found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
