I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
