Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
