Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
