I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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