Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
