i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
