i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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