You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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