Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Hello my rib-scented angel!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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