i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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