Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
