i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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