I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
