Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
