At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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