I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
