he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
