Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
