Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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