I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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