We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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