Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
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You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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