dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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