I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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