I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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