Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
