I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
