who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he fucked my hip out of place.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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