saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
