my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
