The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
