dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
