why didn't you poke me back
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize