Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
