I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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