Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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