Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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