I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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