I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
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Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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