pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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