I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Never joke about your clitoris.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
