Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
