does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
