if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
