I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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