I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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