I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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