I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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