does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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