I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
