I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
