she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
