just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
