Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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