and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
