why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
