Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
