please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I will be naked everywhere
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
