someone threw a dead crab at me
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
