Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
