I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize