wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
