I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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