I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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